You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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