I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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