Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
