I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
