i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
