She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
