drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just sent this text using only my big toe
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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