You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
