That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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