Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
