Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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