I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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