woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
