he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
