girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Barsexuality is the new black.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
