I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
