PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
