i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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