So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
