My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
