im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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