The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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