what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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