you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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