Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
