I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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