P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
