i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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