would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I need water and some morals
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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