They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
