We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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