Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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