I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
