Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
wow bdsm is so cute
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
