After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
