Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
