Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
