I think I won the penis lottery.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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