What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
