Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
