Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just found a bag of teeth...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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