If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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