Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
