carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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