i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
