we have pet lesbian snakes
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
