At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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