I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
MIDGETS
????
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
