All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
