Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
40s are totally the cure
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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