hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
