I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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