Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
